EPILOGUE

Like what I told you from the start, this is not my story. This is the story of how God loves me the way I am. This is the story of the goodness of the Lord. Maybe you’ll start asking, “If what you say is true, that what you have experienced is the love of God, then where is God at the time of your sickness? Where is God at the time when you are in jail? Where is God when you did those horrible things? Where is God when everybody condemned and persecuted you? Where is God in that?”

I can assure you that God is there and he works in my complete history. Let me tell you one thing; before I was blind, and I did not believe in the love of God, instead, I did things in my own will, and because of that, I ended up dying. There is God. He existed. I just did not believe that before. I could not see the love of God only because I was too preoccupied doing things on my own, instead of obeying to His will. I was like Abraham when he did things on his own so that the promise will be fulfilled, but then he ended up crashing to pieces. I could tell you now; my greatest cross right now is my sickness, and I thought that it was a punishment, and suffering is a mishap, for it destroys me much. But now, little by little, God is curing me from that blindness, He continues to give me how beautiful the life He has prepared for me. And I realized that my sickness is one of the greatest graces I have received from God, my weaknesses are one of the greatest blessings He gave me, for everytime God shows me how weak I am, the more I ask God for His mercy; to have pity on me, to ask Him to give me the Spirit, to convert my heart everyday of my life, to look up on Him instead of looking on myself.

I’ve had the best and worst experiences in my entire life. I’ve been persecuted, humiliated, kicked out of the way, and condemned by those whom I offended. I have destroyed the lives of many and influenced other people to do the same as well. I was one of the worst scums of the universe and was even proud to be that way. I created scenarios which in turn made me into something most people don’t want to see and have gathered the likes of me to spread our evil into society. I had several fights with different types of people and was even proud enough to brag about it. I was the perfect epitome of evil and I admit that. I don’t want to hide it, I may not be the perfect man in the world but there’s one thing I realized, that God ALWAYS gives us second chances. And it’s even seventy times seven of second chances. Better than those whom you think would give you chances in your lives.

The best thing about my experiences was I learned something from it. That God loves us whatever situation we are into. He never fails to listen, and He sent His son here on earth not for the righteous, but for those sinners just like me. I am just like everybody else, a sinner who asks God for forgiveness and His Spirit so that I can continue to walk in His way.

These experiences are for those who felt uneasy, awkward, or even think that they have the worst scenarios in their lives right now. Be not afraid, for God has prepared the way for you. He is the perfect guide and will lead you into walking in the right path. I do not ask you to be inspired with the experiences I had, nor to imitate me with what I have done in the past years of my life. I just wanted to show you how grateful I am that God is still here to listen, and he always gives me chances to redirect my path. It’s up to you if you want to discriminate me or judge me with what I wrote here. All I’m saying is that I thank the day that I realized what God gave me in my entire life. Just like what Agatha Christie said, "I like living. I may sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow. But through it all, I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." I thank God for giving me life. Where there is death, there is life. Where there is suffering, there is happiness.

This not the end of the story. This is actually the beginning. The start of a fresh day. I am still a sinner and I do not hide that fact. But I do not want to end up that way. I still ask God for His help, His guidance, His spirit, so that sometime in the future, when my time comes, I will be ready to serve Him the way He wanted it to be.

For those who believe in Him, continue believing, and pray that God gives you the Spirit to accept the situations you are into right now, whether it is good or bad, for when that time comes, you don’t have to doubt anymore you’ll just believe.

Be ready to believe again.

Shalom.