CHAPTER FIVE

The Hours

After what happened to me, from the moment I was caught, and up to the time my "co-Lords" bailed me out, it was then the time I had to stood up and make a decision, a decision I know I won’t regret for the rest of my life here on earth. I was stunned by what happened and after thinking about it for several times, I realized I had to stand up for what I believe in and tell it straight to the faces of my so-called "friends".

I was sure that time that I had to think of something so that I could get out of the mess I got into. I don’t want to harden my life after what happened to me. I was certain the moment had arrived to do the best I can to stop it. I had to quit the organization. And I had to tell it all by myself.

My "co-Lords" arranged a meeting for the five of us. We had a closed-door meeting in one of our hideouts, and the agenda was mainly about what happened the day before I was bailed out of jail. Everyone was shocked, not because something horrible happened, but because the cops found out about us. Everyone was afraid, not because there’s a dead man on our trail, but because we might get caught and the operations will come to end. Everyone was thinking the same thing, feeling the same fear, paranoid of the same concept, everyone but me.

I was not shocked for the cops knew what happened; I was shocked for I never imagined myself killing someone. I was not afraid that we might get caught and the operations will come to end, rather I was afraid that what I did was wrong, and I did not do anything about it. I was not paranoid of the whole idea that the death of someone might be the end of our careers, rather I was paranoid of the idea that I did something wrong, or even worse… something evil.

At the middle of the meeting, I then stood up for what I believe in. I told them that I don’t want to be a part of the organization anymore. That I don’t want to do the things that we’ve been doing for the last two years, and that I don’t want to lead my men to hell. In short, I want out.

At first everyone was shocked. All four of them. I don’t know if I was just paranoid or something, but after I told them that I want out, I began daydreaming of the things that I saw in action movies. Most people who want out of their illegal organizations never came out alive. They were allowed to quit but their bodies were found dead afterwards in a distant river or the office or even by a hit-and-run. I began to frighten myself after I told them what I feel. And it was a nightmare in the middle of the afternoon I will never forget for the rest of my life.

The nightmare was then interrupted when one of my friends began talking about him wanting to get out too. He said that he had to manage their business in the states so he could not stay any longer with us. After that, everybody was talking about getting out, quitting the organization, and moving out of the country. I then realized that these guys were actually afraid too of what happened, and they were already thinking of their own personal alibis just to get out, without noticing their fear and their paranoia. I was different. I told them what I really felt that moment. That I don’t want to see dead bodies no more. The killing and the selling should come to an end once and for all.

Of course, our problems were never solved after that meeting. We agreed on one thing and one thing only; that we should all quit. But the real problem arises; what shall we tell to our men? And how will they take it? Will they go with us? Or against us?