CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Holding To Emotions

This is another part of the story which was posted last November 28, 2005. I thought I had to include this since it was actually part of the story before I even put an end to it. So for those who have read it already, this is actually just a refresher.

Last Sunday, I attended the meeting of the boys in pre-formation at the Redemptorist Mater seminary together with the 33 other young men who felt the call for priesthood. We had our celebration of the Eucharist there with Michael Fox as our celebrant, an English priest, one of our formators, who loves folk, rock, and country music. The Word was actually something that consoled me a lot especially now in my present situation. God gave Michael the Spirit so that he could give us clearly what God wants to tell us, what His message is all about.

I actually felt a lot of consolation with the Word that I’ve heard. It was always as fresh as ever, how God reminds me to be vigilant, to be awake, and be prepared for the day of His coming. I’m so glad that I became a part of the community.

After the formation meeting, we went to Greenhills to eat dinner. We had some chicken at KFC’s. Everything was so great that we had so much fun while eating. After filling up, we went out to smoke a few sticks and decided to head for home. But just as we head out of the door, out of nowhere, I was shocked that I saw a face, a face that I was too scared to see, not because it was so scary, but because it was and will always be the most beautiful face that I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And I’m too scared to even look at it, for my eyes are not deserving enough to even take a glance of it.

The owner of the face is actually the woman that I first felt the feeling of intense.

Something that I’ve never felt in my entire life.

And I threw all that away.

All because I had to do what I had to do.

To respond to His call.

When I actually saw her, I felt like I want to touch her face… feel her rosy cheeks.. kiss her soft lips… embrace her tight and never let her go… it’s like the world is flashing right before my eyes… at that very moment… thinking back of what had happened in the past… remembering the days that I actually think of her… every minute… every second… every hour… everyday…

But all of that turns out to be what people usually call…

Fantasy.

I don’t know why and I don’t know how…

All I know is that it can’t be done.

It is not right anymore.

Everytime I see her, I feel the same way… the same feeling that I felt the very first time that I laid my eyes on her.

I felt butterflies in my stomach.

And even up to this very moment, I still feel the same way.

I still feel the butterflies flying around my stomach.

I just hope that God continue to give me the Spirit in the situation that I am into.

I let God do the rest.